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Putting this less glamorous post here, where no one will read it – rather than Instagram. It is Bell Let’s Talk day (ugh). My feeds are flooded with encouraging posts and celebrities and it all just makes me angry, and I don’t know why.

I am feeling helpless lately. My depression is at a major low, as we drift into February.  January is not my friend, but what follows really isn’t either. I’m finding it very difficult to push through this period of unknown. I can’t keep taking sick days, leaving early, arriving late. I feel absent in all of areas of my life, and my lack of participation is only making things worse. I know it’s never been as long as it feels, but this rut seems to be deeper than usual. When I was younger, recovery felt attainable. I always had hope that once I had a partner, I would be happy. Once I had a good job, I’d be happy. Routine used to make me happy – now I just wonder where I’m going, and why. If meeting my goals and passing milestones hasn’t brought me sustainable joy, what will? All I see is opportunity to be pushed further down, and that terrifies me.